


One more time, with feeling

by cottonee



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, References to Depression, mentions of medical procedures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 04:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19455964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottonee/pseuds/cottonee
Summary: Yuuri’s Olympian career ends too soon (before it even has the chance to begin).





	One more time, with feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [_Namida_](https://yoiangstzine.tumblr.com/). This was featured on volume 2. ♡
> 
> ❤ Thanks to everyone who supported this project! and I hope you'll like this! ❤
> 
> (I apologize in advance if this is not completely medical acurate. I did my research but I'm not a doctor after all.)
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Title from "One More Time with Feeling" by Regina Spektor. :)

With his hands placed over his heart, Yuuri closes his eyes, maintaining the ending pose for a minute as his heart rate goes back to normal.

His new short program is hard, but his free skate is even more daunting. Yuuri has gotten used to executing difficult components during the second half of his programs, but the jump combinations and entries are especially hard this time around.

It is his program for the upcoming Olympic games after all. If he wants to win a medal, he has to give his all.

“One more time, with feeling,” Viktor says and Yuuri opens his eyes. He looks at the proud smile of his coach— _of his husband_ —as he skates to his starting position, and Viktor starts the music again.

By now, Yuuri knows the choreography by heart, knows how to move and what to do at every moment. He just needs to polish some details while he works on increasing the consistency of his jumps.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

It is not a secret that if Yuuri should pick a favorite jump, it would be the triple Axel. Three and half rotations in the air. A sensation of flying for a second. Nowadays, it is highly unlikely for him to fail that jump.

( _Highly unlikely_ does not mean _never_.)

Yuuri has practiced the transition from a spread eagle into a triple Axel countless of times before, has landed the jump perfectly before, but the moment his skates leave the ice, he knows he will flub the landing—his whole body feels off-axis and there is no way he will be able to land correctly.

Yuuri’s ankle gives up. It cracks as Yuuri falls to the ice, and a whimper escapes from his lips as he stumbles down.

Viktor is by his side in a moment, kneeling next to him, and asking him if everything is all right. Yuuri nods, his ankle hurts as he sits in a more comfortable position, it is most likely sprained, and Viktor helps him up.

Yuuri groans when he tries to support his weight on his ankle.

“I’m fine,” he says through gritted teeth, lifting his foot from the ice, and leaning more against Viktor.

“You’re not,” Viktor answers, guiding him towards the rink barrier.

“It’s not the first time I sprain an ankle,” Yuuri mumbles.

“I still worry every time,” Viktor replies, helping Yuuri take off his skates.

Yuuri’s ankle does not look very swollen, but it is getting there. He winces as Viktor inspects the area carefully, as he places his feet in a more comfortable position.

“I’ll be right back,” Viktor says, and leaves.

Yuuri sighs, closing his eyes and trying to relax to ease the pain. Viktor is back soon enough, holding an ice bag. Yuuri ices his ankle until the pain subsides, while Viktor dries and cleans his skates.

Yuuri stands, and he tests putting some weight on his injured ankle for a short moment. It is still uncomfortable to stand on it, but it is not as bad as it was before. However, before he can sit down again to put on his shoes, an ugly _pop_ makes him freeze as his right knee gives up, and he falls again.

A sob escapes his lips as he holds back the tears.

**↞↞↠↠**

An ankle sprain is suddenly the last of Yuuri’s worries.

He is not in pain anymore thanks to the painkillers and the bags of ice he placed around his knee at intervals but cannot walk or do anything that might require him to move his leg.

“Your ACL is torn due to the constant stress on your knee,” the doctor explains. There is no way to sugarcoat it. Yuuri messed up his knee big time.

“Oh,” Yuuri breathes.

“You’re an athlete, so surgery is highly advised in order to avoid secondary injuries to the knee,” the doctor tells him, but there is only one question in Yuuri’s mind.

“What about the recovery time? When will I be able to skate again?” Yuuri asks, feeling his heart breaking with every word, already knowing the answer.

“Full recovery takes time, from six to nine months.”

Still, Yuuri feels like the air has been knocked out of his lungs.

Recovering from injuries can really take a long time, and it might be the end of Yuuri’s career, no matter how much time he spends trying to make a comeback.

Yuuri is already sure that he will have to withdraw from the Olympics, and he wonders if there is a place on the ice for him afterwards. He has been lucky avoiding serious injuries so far, but it seems like he has already run out of that luck.

“Yuuri, how do you feel?” Viktor places his hand on his shoulder, and Yuuri notices that the doctor has left and that they are alone in the office.

Yuuri opens his mouth, but he cannot speak. He feels like his throat is being constricted, like there is something blocking the air from getting in or out of his lungs.

The tears come next and Yuuri sobs, letting Viktor pull him closer into his arms.

**↞↞↠↠**

The next couple of weeks are difficult.

Yuuri works on following the doctor’s orders to reduce the swelling and restore his knee range of motion, focusing on doing simple exercises to straighten the knee and maintain the muscle tone in the thigh.

He needs to wear a knee immobilizer, he cannot walk without crutches, and also needs help to move around and do simple tasks.

Yuuri knows Viktor had been patient with him. Viktor has never complained, but Yuuri is sure that he is also getting frustrated.

(It shows when he stays home to take care of Yuuri instead of going to the ice rink and his brow stays furrowed the whole time. It makes Yuuri’s stomach lurch uncomfortably because no matter what he does, he always keeps Viktor away from the ice and it hurts.)

Sometimes, when Yuuri lies awake at night, not being able to fall asleep even though he is exhausted, he just thinks. He thinks about his future—if there is even a future for him—and feels like slapping himself for being so careless, for getting injured right when he needed to be in perfect health.

It is ironic how much he fears retirement now after he was ready to stop competing just a couple of years ago. But a last Grand Prix became so much more and now it is too hard to let go.

Yuuri wonders if Viktor would ever forgive him for ruining all their hard work and his career altogether.

**↞↞↠↠**

Yuuri wakes up in a hospital room feeling groggy.

Viktor is his by side, sitting on a hospital chair and tracing circles on the back of his hand. When he notices that Yuuri is awake, he places a soft kiss on his temple, and calls the doctor.

The surgeon tells them that the surgery has been a success, that Yuuri will be able to go home by the end of the day, and that in a month he will be able to start physical therapy.

The surgery is over, but the hard work is not, it will not be over for months.

At the very least Yuuri is relieved at not being alone, and he tightens his hold on Viktor’s hand, feeling thankful for his support.

**↞↞↠↠**

Yuuri tries—he really tries to watch the Olympics, but he cannot bring himself to do it.

He wants to support his friends, he really does, but watching everyone being able to perform like Yuuri cannot do anymore leaves a bitter taste on his mouth that makes him feel guilty afterwards. But he will never be able to deny that he wants to be the one skating on that ice instead.

(Yuuri hates losing, and he has already lost.)

It has been three weeks since the surgery and he can put some weight on his knee, but he is months away from being able to stand again on the ice, let alone land a jump.

Yuuri turns the T.V. off and looks at Viktor who sits by his side. He seems unbothered when the T.V. fades to black right in the middle of the second group’s warm up.

“How are you feeling?” Viktor asks.

“I’m fine,” Yuuri answers, barely managing to squeeze the words past the lump on his throat.

Viktor should also be at the Olympics, seeing the skaters he choreographed for winning a medal, but he stays with Yuuri instead. It should be comforting, but it only makes Yuuri’s heart sink deeper into his stomach.

**↞↞↠↠**

Physical therapy is in one word, frustrating.

Yuuri has heard stories about how difficult it is, and it is not that different to experience it himself.

It is upsetting to try and fail to do things he could do before without even thinking. Yuuri struggles to move his leg, and every time the pain gets more intense, he worries his knee will get injured all over again.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Yuuri sobs, holding onto Viktor, staining his shirt with tears.

He had tried to hold back his tears for a while, but when Viktor takes his hands softly and asks him what is wrong, he cannot keep everything bottled up anymore.

“I’m so tired of feeling pain, of wanting to skate but not being able to do it,” Yuuri whispers.

He misses the comfort of the ice so much. It feels too long since he got to skate figures to clear his mind, and if there is a moment when he needs to do that, it is _right now_.

Viktor does not answer, but he embraces him and rubs soothing circles on his back. Yuuri appreciates the silent support more than any words.

“I’m so sorry,” Yuuri mutters after a moment.

“What are you apologizing for?” Viktor asks.

“For everything.” Yuuri pushes himself back so he can look at Viktor’s eyes. “This has not been fair for you! Lately, you’ve been away from the ice rink because of me!”

“Yuuri, my love, I don’t want to be anywhere without you,” Viktor replies. “We’ll get through this together.”

Yuuri just shakes his head and wraps his arms around Viktor’s torso.

“You can’t stay home with me for six months.”

“I’ll be with you every step of the way,” Viktor promises anyway, drying Yuuri’s tears with his thumb. “And I’ll support whatever you choose to do afterwards. I’m sure you could still win some gold medals, but if you want to retire, I won’t argue with that.”

Viktor places a soft kiss on Yuuri’s lips. He smiles softly, and the tenderness of the whole conversation makes Yuuri want to cry all over again.

However, Makkachin chooses that moment to get closer and demand attention, effectively distracting Yuuri from his thoughts. Yuuri pets their dog, letting his insecurities move to the back of his mind if only for a moment.

(Maybe he has something to look forward to after all.)

**↞↞↠↠**

After six months of recovering physically and mentally, Yuuri’s doctor allows him to skate again. Yuuri smiles and almost cries on the spot.

Jumps, sudden movements and skating at a high speed are completely forbidden, but for the first time in months, Yuuri feels like he can finally breathe again. It is a small step, but at the same time, it is a huge reward for all of Yuuri’s hard work.

**↞↞↠↠**

Yuuri ties his skates, tugging at the shoelaces to secure the boots firmly. He sighs and Viktor smiles softly at him.

“I’ll be here if you need me,” Viktor tells him, placing an arm around his shoulders and a kiss on his cheek.

Yuuri nods. He stands up and walks slowly towards the rink barrier, taking a deep breath as he looks down at the ice. He has missed it—missed the freedom of dancing on the ice that feels as familiar as walking, and the sound of his blades creating indentations in the otherwise smooth ice surface.

He feels ready to feel those things again, even though he is not allowed to do much other than completing a couple of laps around the rink at a leisurely pace. Still, it is better than anything, and everything Yuuri has wanted for the last months.

“One more time, with feeling,” he whispers and steps into the ice.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. ♡ :)
> 
> Comments & kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> I love making new friends, so feel free to follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/commeunjardin).


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